Womens Erotica: Love For All The Wrong Reasons

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These include a desire for their partner to be sexually satisfied, a sense of empowering women, the thrill of the taboo, and a culture of pornified voyeurism. For men with masochistic preferences, the desire for denial and humiliation may also lead toward cuckolding. Cuckolding appears to be a primarily male fantasy, although theories for why this is the case are a bit sparse.

Ley has proposed that men may feel that they have better social status if their partner is judged as sexually desirable by other men.

What’s wrong with a little "mommy porn"?

That said, there are some cases where the aforementioned kink lemonade may turn decidedly sour. This one begins with the story of a man who asked his reluctant girlfriend to join a swinging website.


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This soon led to a few real-life cuckolding hookups, before she ghosted the guy entirely. Another man responded with his experiences of having been left twice by his wife after she took a liking to two of their bulls. Both of these tales initially involved two willing partners. But, as Richmond tells me, relationships can also falter if only one person is sexually invested in the fantasy.

This was certainly the case for one Reddit user, who described how eight years of cuckold fantasies eventually led to the end of an otherwise healthy relationship. As Mac became more and more fixated on the idea of watching his lover sleep with other men, he began to obsessively think of different ways to make it a reality. For some couples, this leads to pursuing the cuckold fantasy in real life; for others, it leads to occasional role-play. Is there something missing from my relationship? How do I block out societal expectations of women and continue to grow into a more genuine person who gains validation and happiness from within?

This is the mind-set that a patriarchal society enforces, one designed to keep women from defining success in ways unrelated to male adoration.

The Triggers of Sexual Desire Pt 2: What’s Erotic for Women? | Psychology Today

It will certainly help to steer clear of entertainment that traffics in these toxic messages. How did the men and women in your family define success? What messages did you receive from friends? But the role it plays in your life is to keep you from identifying and pursuing forms of validation that derive from your intellectual, professional and creative achievements. But the real question is who you are beyond your relationships to men.

SA : What Cheryl is saying — and I second her — is that we see in your letter a person bravely reckoning with her indoctrination. And I can't say either of us are lacking in sex drive, really, particularly if you add in the fact most of our conversations are sexual, of some sort -- usually a mix of the intellectual end of it, like the porn conversation bit I mentioned, and actual personal sexual interest, like "I was at this cafe the other day and this woman was sitting a few tables away So, it's very much like the reverse of the whole thing about women being expected to "repress" things.

I bet a lot of it is entirely unconscious, in everyone's case, which tends to complicate most all discussion on relevant topics And you're right, the way the author describes female attraction in many ways more closely resembles myself-- noticing the face, smile, eyes, entire body form, etc..

That technically is bordering on fetishism :P and again from most men I actually have gotten onto this topic with, they don't seem to go along with that as well. Along the same lines, I can find a face alone arousing! FYI for anyone who's interested look up the info on human female breasts and face-to-face sexual interaction, kind of tells you facial features are important too.. Doesn't this all seem to conflict with the way men are portrayed or often portray themselves online? A lot like caricatures, IMO Anyway another part of this I hardly ever see mentioned, is the idea that men can be turned on by anything other than porn I dunno, the Sports Illustrated cover girls?

Thanks for your response. I think it perfectly illustrates the other side of the same coin. My point about women also having more primal and simple pornographic attractions is further validated by your point that men also have more complex and erotic attractions. There may be some evidence towards men's preference for visual forms of arousal but this does not exclude woman from also seeking visual arousal nor does it exclude men from enjoying non-visual stimulations.

I believe if the studies were less biased from the start and actually set out to measure the same form of defined "attraction" in both men and women, small differences in preferences for straight sexual arousal would be quite insignificant. It seems to me that both sexes experience complex attraction and within that attraction, also experience more simplistic arousals in the form of pornography visual and otherwise.

BTW, happy to hear you are studying psychology. Do you plan to pursue a clinical career? Although there are many male contributers on this website and in academic fields of psychology, as a practicing mental health counselor I find there are still fewer male clinicians, particularly young male clinicians.

You are much needed:. Thank you for having honesty, integrity, and open mindedness- and speaking true to your individual experience. The other thing I take issue is this whole obsession with "Alpha males". I think most people want someone that's confident, but I don't need an alpha jerk trying to take control of the relationship or trying to boss me around. I've never found these "alpha males" attractive in any way.


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  • I guess I just think two people should stand on equal foot in a relationship. First, the erotica genre and the romance novel are two distinctly different things. Sometimes they overlap; some romances are more focused on the erotic than others. But still. Check with the publishers, or simply scan Amazon. It's like hard-core pornography versus soft-core versus a romantic comedy.

    I'm willing to believe that there's evidence that many women trend toward erotic literature over life-action pornography. I'm not willing to believe you can draw any cause and effect or conclusions from that such as "what works for women isn't what works for men" Since you're making it it up, it would be as valid to suggest that women are so sensitive to sexual stimulation that they don't require explicit visual stimulation.

    PS: I'm a woman who does sometimes read romances. However, when I'm looking for that certain kind of stimulation, I head to literotica or one of the many 'tubes. I know that's anecdotal, but I can't help but wonder if you've ever spoken to a woman. I actually prefer pornography than erotica, if there is such a distinction between the two.

    I find erotica boring and dull. It really depends on the person; it is objective, different people will have different tastes. But as a young female in her 20s, I think the 'straight to the point' pornography does it for me more than the slow and gentle erotica. However, saying that.. So perhaps there are differences in hypothetical scenarios and real life scenarios? Real Deal: Thank you, thank you, thank you! Everything I was thinking.

    I hate biased evolutionary psychology that makes over arching generalizations and assumptions. Humans all have complex romantic and sexual needs and desires which cannot be so easily generalized.

    29 Legitimately Good Erotic Novels You Must Read

    Choosing a mate and choosing someone to go home with at the end of the night are not the same thing. I dated a guy once who believed this crap He assumed I was an anomaly. He also told me that 'all men' talk degradingly about women behind their backs and that I just didn't know my male friends were doing it because they all hid it from me and their girlfriends.

    It didn't matter that I've had intelligent, raunchy, yet respectful discussions about sex, porn preferences, sexuality and gender with many of my male friends. He KNEW, because they all shared penises, how my friends acted and thought. I know they don't all go around telling each other how their girlfriends 'let them come all over her face' or talking about the co workers they would bang and how they would do it.

    These kind of articles are as degrading to men as they are to women. While some men do act that way it has more to do with socialization than physical gender. This man was obsessed with being 'manly' and relationships were about game playing to win feminine affections for sex. He couldn't be real with women because we are clearly practically a different species! Unfortunately the kind of thinking presented in this article just reinforces the 'othering' that causes problems between men and women. Fortunately many men are capable of seeing women as whole people just as many women enjoy a good dirty romp in the sack.

    Check out pictures of clitorises up close. Little wee penises with little helmets and everything! Also containing all the same nerves as their male counterparts and more. I would love to see some unbiased research in arousal. There may well be differences in males vs females due to physical variation but I'd wager porn will fill any erectile tissue with blood regardless of gender. It's like because we can't see it it just doesn't matter, or exist.

    I found Ogas and Gaddam's research on male sexuality, as revealed by web searches, fascinating. But I didn't think they did very well at understanding female sexuality. Possibly because I'm a woman who despises romance novels. They presented a convincing case that men are turned on by looking at sexual displays of women's breasts, butts, and feet.

    It makes sense to me that women would be turned on by the converse: by sexually displaying their breasts, butts and feet. So instead of trying to make sense of women's sexuality by looking at their sexual searches, they might have looked at women's sexual displays. Women may be more turned on by posting photos of themselves than by looking at other people's photos. When women do search the Internet sexually, they may be shopping for sexy shoes, lingerie and clothing, the better to show themselves off. I haven't read a romance novel in over 20 years, but what I remember is that much of the focus was on describing the heroine's appearance and its effect on men.

    There's numerous assumptions based on this so called "research. Is that the best you can come up with. This isn't a s John Wayne film. You can't simply lump all women in the same category, and I'd bet my collection of illegally downloaded porno that the women who read romance novels are baby boomers which explains their twisted views , possibly from Middle America. I don't what generation you are from but Sheriffs do not represent the epitome of sexiness, despite your baseless assumptions about Alpha males and strength.

    Don't they represent, morbidly obese, violent donut eaters for today's young society? Nor do "women preferring MUCH older men," have any merit in truth. Perhaps, women prefer much "older men" due to years of psychological conditioning. And, perhaps, just perhaps, women don't watch as much porno as men, because porno, is made for the "male gaze. Porn is a genre that alienates an entire demographic. Useless and baseless gender roles are used in this article under the guise of "research. As a young woman, I recall wanting to rent explicit porn films, either to watch alone or with my boyfriend.

    To do so, I had to go into either an adult video store and confront the displays that were being perused by men, or go to a "normal" video rental place and pray that one of my neighbors didn't see me as I sneaked over to the adult section. When I made my choices, if another woman was present, she might remark "Oh you don't want to watch that.. I self consciously paid for the movie, avoiding the smirk from the checkout clerk. As a porn consumer, my choices were made in a fish bowl in which men were expected to swim.

    The internet frees us to view whatever we like without confrontation or embarrassment. Most of the woman I know through online interaction enjoy looking at a man's tight ass, a nice big hard dick, not to mention other handsome or attractive features of a man. Many of us also enjoy and are aroused by a beautiful woman's body.

    Moaning, heavy breathing, and the wet noises of sex excite me as much as explicit sex acts. I talk to a lot of women about sex on a daily basis--perhaps a group of more sexually open women, but nonetheless, women, and we can't all be deviants. If you look at the other comments, many are made by women--women who enjoy explicit sexual content without all the pretense of a Jane Austen romance.

    As a pro-phone sex operator, men AND women call me instead of watching a porn movie? Because they want to feel a connection to another person. Many want a highly customized fantasy--one that's based on a particular type of relationship. I also have female callers and they are no different to men with regard to fantasy, needs, or even how long the call might last. As long as we continue to perpetuate this kind of silly mythology that women are all about nesting and child rearing, and men are just out to distribute their seed, I don't think we'll ever understand one another.

    These types of so-called scientific conclusions only serve to excuse men for depersonalized objectification, and keep women closeted about expressing their own lust--both of which contribute to the exploitation and oppression of women. Nowhere in these articles do I see where any of the conclusions discussed are substantiated by actual science.


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    Whether you are a single woman, man or couple, gay or lesbian I have been reading this article in addition to the other ones associated with it and honestly I could not even bring myself to finish. Oh my god what is this? These articles are so sexist and once again, descriptions of "how women are" are only being defined by men. I'm not a crazy feminist or anything like that but I am pursuing a PhD in Psychology and the research methods used to compile the data used by Ogas and Gaddam were mainly online surveys which are not reliable especially because they cannot determine causation.

    And when you random sample, that means that every person in a population has an equal chance of being chosen to participate in the study. Since feel free to correct me Ogas and Gaddam only used people online, people who have no access to the internet, or unable to use the internet in some way had no equal chance of being included in the study. That being said, all of O and G's findings can then only be generalized to the million people examined, it CANNOT be used to generalize to all men and women. Third and most importantly, this study did not go before the institutional review board.

    That is the board that every scientific experiment needs to go through to be validated to ensure that people's ethical rights were not violated and to ensure that the research methods used are valid and adhere to the rules of psychological testing. This is why their work is not currently found in true scholastic journals of the psychological research community.

    This is in no way undermining the work that these men put in, but their research methods were flawed and the conclusions drawn are very serious as they are trying to explain innate sexual desires of men and women. They need to go back, re-do the study, compare it wit findings of similar studies that have been conducted, and then get is approved by the board.

    This Is Why I Quit Porn

    Then I can begin to take this article seriously. This work is not revolutionary and will never be assigned to be read or studied seriously in any scholastic setting unless it gets verified first. As for my personal opinion, this does not describe me at all. I guess I am a man because I hate cheesy erotic romance novels and soft core porn.



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